By Dr. Ruth Achu
For people motivated purely by individual interests and suspicious of others' kindness, healing past wounds is an issue. If you have been hard-bitten by life, it may seem just to become pessimistic and distrustful of the integrity of others. Your disillusionment can obscure your sight, and you become hostile toward others. In your thinking, you are right because you want to protect yourself from further suffering, but in this process of protecting yourself, you have inevitably become more hardened. How do you free yourself from this dilemma? How can you heal from hurts and receive faith to believe again without self-destruction or killing your conscience? People experience pain and joy on an ongoing basis. You don't need to inquire too deeply into a person's life to dig out some pain or hurt from an emotional, physical, mental, financial or spiritual battle. The chances are high that they are going through some disaster. Even if you don't find anything hurtful, you may probably find tragedy in the life of someone you love, so, in some sense, no one is remarkably free or can escape the pain aspect of life.
As I grew older, betrayal by others and the tragedies I encountered broke me. Losing my first child was a tragedy that changed the course of my life. The reality of the pain, the sadness, and the grief stared right in my face. I had to respond. I could not escape. I tried to find what alternatives were available. I was drowning in self-doubt and pity. That was when I realized that I had a naive faith powered by inexperience in life. Can I hold God responsible for that? Was my faith wrong or not strong enough? Where is the hope I once had? I had to either become bitter, distrustful, angry, and pessimistic, which seems to be a good alternative for self-defense or find constructive ways to respond to the tragedies lurking around me at that time.
Most of us don't want to admit that there is suffering in life, and no amount of faith will exempt a person from the reality of pain and disaster that life could bring. However, the alternative is not to hide from it but to face it. You may become wise from the lessons of the hurt you went through. However, there is a thin line between responding with grace and not becoming an intelligent devil. After every tragedy we face, the goal of the master of evil is to make us wise in our own eyes by becoming distrustful, pessimistic, unbelieving, suspicious, scoffers, and mockers, as described in Psalm 1. This kind of wisdom leads to death and hell, and no good can come from it. It is not a pearl of very useful or constructive wisdom that has the potential to cure pain, hurt and evil. It would be best if you had a strategy to relieve you of the pain and bitterness you feel. Otherwise, you will seek revenge in life by hurting other people because you are injured, and you don't have any good strategy to gravitate toward what could cure your pain.
What are possible Pathways to freedom? It is easier for people to understand and indulge in evil pathways because they can provide instant gratification to pain. Still, it is the beginning of the journey to the bottomless pit. Proverbs 14:12 says that there is a way that seems right to a man, but in the end, it leads to destruction.
1. Find a Christian Counselor- The wisdom of God is higher, and it has the potential to help you navigate the pain in such a way that will keep you ascended far above the evil that came upon you. That's the apparent place everyone hopes to be after every trial. However, if you have been beaten very hard by life and you cannot help yourself through the process, you can seek traditional ways in the form of counseling to guide you away from the traps of falling into the earthly hellfire.
2. Seek out victorious people- One of the ways to help your cognitive and spiritual ability to respond constructively is to seek out victorious people who you think have gone through painful challenges. You admire their courage and grit and wish you had the power to do the same. That's the proper focus. You don't want to emulate a defeated person who is bitter, angry, and geared towards revenge and hate because of the evil that came upon them or imitates a person who is unwilling to take responsibility for what has happened but instead chooses to blame others. It is your work of faith to dodge from the prominent bottomless pit of vengeance, anger, pessimism, bitterness, depression, anxiety, eating disorders, and panic attacks. Unfortunately, this sense of wisdom only gives momentary satisfaction and leads to hell.
3. Journaling is a great way to express your frustration, especially when you are alone and don't have anyone to share your grief. Consider writing down how you are feeling, your expectations, and how you hope things would have turned out differently. You will experience some form of peace.
4. Movement - Physical activities have a great way of boosting our mood. If you are depressed and not motivated to engage with life, one of the best ways to quickly change your mood is to engage with movement or exercise as your health permits. As you do this, you will get some relief from the heaviness and hopelessness you may be feeling, and it may give you a clearer mind to process your thoughts.
5. Connect with fellow Christians: Resist the temptation of going into isolation. People who are hurt tend to isolate themselves. You will never get help from isolation. Do not wait long for anyone to preach to you to find grace and hope to move on. Attending church and being in the company of fellow believers can provide some temporary space to grieve before you begin the process of healing.
As you respond in these constructive ways, you will be doing a lot of good to yourself and the people around you; you could be the next mentor to someone else who is hurting because you chose to respond well. Only good can result from such a courageous response to life's disaster. You will be happy you decided to walk the bold path. When you read through the lines of Psalm 1, you can easily recognize yourself because you are no longer consumed and concerned only with your interest, but you have to sort the welfare of others in your process. This approach can be life-giving, and that is the meaning of life.
We Facilitate a Trauma healing group and run seminars on Trauma management at Haven of Treasures. If you want to know more, please email info@havenoftreasues.com or visit the event page on our website at www.havenoftreasures.com